im not me

im not the enemy
im just a puppet without strings
im a total independent

i dont want to scare you off
im just trying to get it on to start
my life without regrets

maybe ive been like a rock tht dont move
maybe all i need is someone to break it through
to get inside my head
to get inside my heart
see the insane ive been retained

are you ready now?
are you?

im not a cold hardcore death
im just inside this ice cube hall
yearning to be burned

i hope you wont run off
to play in never never land
where i could never go

take me away with you
lead me to the bright sun
where i can see the whole universe

lead me by
by you

Cycle of Today

what to write today?
my day is worst
not to mention my hair too
ive been cracking up my mood

what to feel today?
i havent wake up from an early sleep last night
sun is high up and about to come down
my eyes focusing on the ceiling

what to do today?
i walk around in the city
watching people walk by
and counting my steps from home to the coffee cafe and back

what to think today?
listen to rocking tunes beating up my sorrow
making me angry inside
kicking to burst open the door

what is today?
a cycle of worthless words
a cycle of emotionless emotion
a cycle of routine
a cycle of boredom

what is tomorrow?
a day to break the cycle of today!

5.59pm,18july.wgtn.

shouldnt go there

come closer
yes you
dont look around
im talking to you

come to me
yes that's it
dont care about others
my arms are here

yes im dark
and the noise is behind you
why go there?
when you can see here?

im not twisting
there's no lie
everything is right here
believe me, i know

closer..yes closer
just follow me
take my hand

we're going to neverland

1 minute

hey 1 minute
u think u can hide?

left it all tied up with your fate
kept me choked in the box of waste

im not carving the box
im not making it home

lived by your will power
u think u had won?

still waiting for the ancient weapon
while u feed my soul

1 minute
u still here
u still here
u still here

3pm,room,wgtn

Orange Leaves

"Orange Leaves"

its not time for you yet
dont change for me
be you be green
its what ive been longing to see

as i pass by as time flies
as the earth stays
as the sky covers me safe

the feel of knowing
of me wanting to see you as a painting of a tree
while the wall is falling bringing it with

so much i would miss the color green
yet i am so stunned by the orange leaves

as i pass by as time flies
as the earth stays
as the sky covers me safe

the orange leaves tree replaced
the very existance of the green painting

the feel now of knowing
that orange leaves dont stay

i will keep orange leaves close to my heart
and when it all falls dead to the ground
as goes my heart too
deep deep in my soul
orange leaves....................lives...

12.59am 25th jan 2006 home

'no more rhyme'

why not just tell it straight up
all these words twirling confusing just to have a meaning
those rhyme being put that sometimes doesnt make sense
isnt the truth has its own face without the mask

everyone now is so intelligent
nothing seems to be that difficult, too discreet or hidden
but people are more angry to themselves
nothing is ever enough

there is no way out
trees grow until the end there is leaves
we are all waiting to fall
not a clue what will happen when we're in the ground

there is no where to run
nowhere to hide
you must live
you must live
you must live

forget the unknown
hold dear to what is here
and live

although when you picture the end its scary
there is nothing you can do
just follow the truth
and live by it

Trapped

"Trapped"

everyday we hear the insanity of our heart
let it be
let it stay

to let go is to be free
but free is not painless
be ready for war

will it take you to your desired journey
can you hold the pictures you dream
is a fool's wish isnt worthy?
when all it brings is more dream?

how can a tree move if it needed the root to stay?
the heart is deep where the body shouldnt follow
in mind there's traffic but the body lay still
where there is will but there's no way clearly seen

all is like a life within a dream
and a dream within time
too far away you went
the harder to survive
wishes upon wishes
dreams upon prays
but life is ending...

Brown Picture Stories

i stopped and stare at the hour
i watch the wind pass me by
i imagine the past as a brown coloured pictures
i went into it and look outside

i see things i dont understand
it frightens me that such thing exist
i reason with myself that it is just stories
when the tell finish it became history

my heart is heavy
my heart has no space
it tightens my spirit
it kills my hope

oh world you are big
i see it now it is full because there is pain
i prefer my little world
my dark worthless world

oh my the pain
its stabbing the inside
oh please stop but it wont
until its course are fullfilled

little i realize that while i was watching the brown picture stories
mine is being written

6.14 am, 26 october 05, welly
edited 18 July 06,11.35pm,wgtn

Friends Version 3 ("Hand in Hand")

"hand in hand"
I
there's more to life
you show me that
i can be me
you told me that

my friends
you're my favourite crowd
i feel so grand
feel like im wearing a crown

hand in hand we face the day
but we are alone in our own way
but its ok
its not so crazy

II
there's lesson we learned
i show you that
we can be us
much more than that

my friends
things are not so bad
cause you are there
along the ride

hand in hand we face the day
but we are alone in our own way
but its ok
its not so crazy

III
lets walk together
reach out our dreams
do what we do
be what we want to be
my friends
we are free

In A Box That Never Exist

i feel so blue
i dont know what is the truth
is it here now during my youth
when im so lost and confused?

i want to tear up all the pieces in me
i dont want to be in i want to be free
what does it mean all this confusion about you and me
am i you or you are me

twisted turning in this little box
trapped inside i cant figure anything out
i scream out loud my lungs burnt out
terrible dreams dont seem to stop haunting me down

doesnt anybody listen anything?
even the little sound of my cry squeaking?
im clinched clenched blended in the weakening
i can feel my whole body falls down trembling

i am cold it harden my door
smash it all down to the ground
crashed it with steps of torcher
it doesnt matter no more coz i can never be found

later my stories turned to dust
even the wind doesnt invite my senses
away it went to forever unknown
to the land that was never exist only borned

Friends Version 4 ("here")

"Here"
I
flipping through the pages
i look at our happy faces
i started to wonder
how much we've grown
where so much had changed

its been so long
so long

II
the simple things in life
like laughter
when things is what it is
no past no future
and we are together

its been so long
so long

III
then comes the dark day
when you went away
everyone's sad faces
wishing more could be done
more time should be spent

it's been hard my friend
so hard

IV
that you are gone
the lesson you left
is that no matter how long
you are here

forever i miss you
i will remember
even if this photos fades
your smile will stay

Friends Version 2 ("Getting Throught the Day")

"Getting through the day"

its our time
it is now
let us find
what we're looking for

sometimes it is crazy
sometimes it is fine
life can get pretty messy
but to you im still divine

c/o
friends there
when you need a break
to crack up
winding up
lifting up
and put my smile back on
get me through the day

II
faces changes
as times passed
true friends never fades away
close by when i need them
in sun in rain in fun in pain

now when we found what we're looking for
we cherish it even more
cause i know
friends are worth keeping for

III
thank you friends
life is much easier
thank you friends
life is much greater
thank you true friends
life is more sincere

IV
when the dusk is coming
and i am ready to dream
tomorrow will be ok
cause you are here to stay

Friends Version 1

its not the pictures that we take
or the memories that we make
but the feelings that was created
that will be carried through time

in time of ease
we will be reminded of those great feels
when things are easy
when things are just sweet

of all the faces
my friends, i'll remember
especially the ones that are there
and the ones that really care

and one of future times
i will miss you then
and the feels will never loose
and i will have smiles that will never fades

Apology

people want too much
the small things are not enough

like an apology that were spoken
is hollow, senseless, a dead thing

grace needs to be wrapped, cared, kept
the better the brighter the light

alone, its weak

like an apology without consequences

it could never last
it could never be whole

on the side of the street

train of people crawled into my vision

flashes of the sun comes in and out
but deep down there's black still

silence conquer subdivisions of echos
self capture own sound

focus fixed on a point infront
clearly see the unseen

senses gathered hectically
absorbed into inches of knowledge

purely satisfied by the creation of truth
lost in the founding of it

the black world is white
and the white ones fades...

head over heels

r u tempted to figure out
wats inside my heart

r u crazy to take me out
where moon shines creates art

is it too hard not to see
how your eyes look at me

coz its pretty scary to me
that i cant breathe when u speak

too much waves
heavy rain start falling
wash me away to a place
what seems to be safe

in here
out there
so small
no air

take me flying
floating above the clouds
white wind
soft voice

when im done being happy
catch me
when im in your arms
keep me
when im out of my head
save me
when im scared
hold my hand
when i say i love you
marry me

what more should i say?
im yours.

i remember you

when there's a blank space
i see you
when i see myself in the mirror
i see you

staring at the starry sky
again i see you
imagining my unborn child
their faces like you

too clear
too deep
too hard
too late

this is how i see you
in my wake
in my dream
like a blind man who sees with their heart

the more i see you the better
coz all i ever wanted now..
is to erase every pieces of you
coz i dont want you anymore.

the end

i need love
i need air
i need love
i need care

not you
no more
not old
no way

pray
scream
love
despise
charity
revenge

the end is still coming...

will you be here?
will i be here?

the end holds the key...

wait..wait..wait...

does it really matter???????

do you see?

under the bed
under the table
under the tree

behind the bench
behind the door
behind the tree

in the room
in the car
in the tree

can't u see?
im waiting
can't u hear?
im listening
can't u love me?
im yours.

moment

im screaming
its here
the heartless moment
the heaviest heart

fuck away
be dead
the hell with you
i hate you

im tired
its gone
the breathless me
the empty soul.